The Modern Peasant's Guide to Life and Eating: Chapter 1

Every four years or so, the shit hits the fan. I'm not proud of this, or anything. However, for reasons seemingly outside of my control, four years of relatively healthy and productive living are squandered, defiled, and transformed into so much fecal matter that gets sent spraying across the room. I don't know why I do it. I can't afford basic health services—So who can say? All I can do is observe and narrate the very real pathology and the damage it leaves in its wake.

My favorite stuff of 2011 - Part V

2011 Game #5 - Raymon: Origins


Before it came out, Rayman: Origins was billed as one of those "throwback" games that have a retro appeal. Well, there's nothing retro about Rayman: Origins. It is nothing like the platformers we played as kids. The only artifice of oldschool platforming present is the number of explorable dimensions. Everything about Rayman: Origins exudes personality. Every moment is completely unique. It's a platformer, sure, but it uses contemporary ideas and sensibilities to create something that bridges the gap between oldschool and modern gaming, a gap that isn't as huge as we sometimes think it is.

My favorite stuff of 2011 - Part IV

2011 Game #10 – The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword


Skyward Sword is the worst console Zelda game yet. Which means, it’s still a pretty damn good game, but there are some glaring problems that “It’s Zelda” isn’t enough of an explanation for me to gloss over anymore. Like, how come the game has to describe what a Monster Claw, an Amber Relic, and every other piece of trash I pick up is every time I restart the game after turning my Wii off, then bring up a menu showing me how many I have now? And what genius thought up breakable shields and the stamina gauge? Because that’s been my longest standing complaint of the Zelda series: that the shields don’t break and Link runs for longer durations than I can. Nitpickery aside, the clouds hanging over Skyward Sword do occasionally break and you get a glimpse of the kind of brilliance we saw in Zeldas of old (just about every moment of the Lanayru region is pure magic), but something needs to happen for Zelda soon or the magic isn’t going to override the stagnation underneath anymore.

My favorite stuff of 2011 - Part III

2011 Game #15 - From Dust


Two facts about me: 1. Another World is one of my favorite games ever. 2. I am not at all a fan of God-games/sims/whatever you want to call them. So you can imagine my elation and ensuing disappointment when the announcement came that Eric Chahi was coming out of over a decade of silence in the game industry... to do a God-game. Nevertheless, my faith in Eric Chahi led me to From Dust, and I ended up enjoying it quite a bit. My ignorance in this field may indicate that I only enjoyed From Dust because it's accessible and has a pedigree, and that there are much better games out there in the same vein, but alas, I am a simple creature with simple desires.

My favorite stuff of 2011 - Part II

2011 Game #20 - Okamiden


I went into Okamiden with a healthy amount of skepticism. The PS2 masterpiece from five years prior left a pedigree that I wasn't sure this new pup would live up to, and while I was unsurprisingly underwhelmed with the first few minutes of Okamiden, I eventually came to accept its identity. Okamiden is the Phantom Hourglass or Spirit Tracks to Okami's Twilight Princess. It takes a big, epic idea that deserves to be presented with all the glory of every bit of processing power current generation hardware can spew forth, and unleashes it in an environment that's several generations behind. The fact that Okamiden still comes out on top as a great game is a testament to Okami's greatness, but even at best, Okamiden will do little more than make you want to play the original again.

My favorite stuff of 2011 - Part I

It's that time again. Yes, it's time to hear me wax on about how awesome my opinion is. 2011 was an eventful year... full of... events... that happened. There was also lots of media, and out of that stuff, this is what I liked the most.

10 Reasons Why Short Circuit 2 is Vastly Superior to the First

It's a generally accepted myth that sequels are always inferior to their predecessors. Looking at the long history of movie sequels, it's easy to see why this is the case.

RetroGrade Episode 1: A Question of Time - Part 5

Magic of Scheherazade, The (NES - 1987)

Video games, for many years, were an industry that heavily revolved around firsts. Retrospective articles about the apex games of yesteryear often cite examples of their greatness by saying “It was one of the first games that…” And while these statements may vary greatly in reliability from author to author depending on their level of experience and knowledge, this is nonetheless a testament to the importance of relative novelty in determining the gaming zeniths of our lives. Final Fantasy IV was, for a lot of people, the first game with a progressively developing plot. Street Fighter II, for a lot of people, was the first fighting game with any level of sophistication. Tomb Raider and Super Mario 64 were, for a lot of people, the first true 3D gaming experience of their lives. These games will always maintain a powerful hold on their longtime fans primarily because of their convenient timing and innovation.

RetroGrade Episode 1: A Question of Time - Part 4

Chrono Trigger (SNES, Playstation, Nintendo DS - 1995)

When gamers talk about the best years of their lives, they’re usually talking about the mid-90s. It was an exciting time to be alive. It was the junction of everything good and right in the world of gaming. The arcades had lost prevalence, but they were still there, and while platformers definitely reigned at the seat of the 16-bit empire, their dominance was not so complete that RPGs, fighters, adventure games and other genres were not given their shares of celebration and fandom. Each of us has our own personal set of milestone games that chronicled our adolescence during this era, and few games resonate quite as universally as Chrono Trigger.

RetroGrade Episode 1: A Question of Time - Part 3

Legend of Zelda, The: Ocarina of Time (Nintendo 64, GameCube, 3DS - 1998)

The irony of this is that Ocarina of Time is probably my least favorite Zelda game. While it is the most celebrated game of all time amongst the general gaming populace, just about every game in the series, from the console-launching Twilight Princess to the handheld off-shoot Link’s Awakening, had a bigger impact on me than Ocarina of Time. And yet it’s impossible for me to even begin to imagine a better example of a use of time in its respective generation.

RetroGrade Episode 1: A Question of Time - Part 2

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (Playstation 2, GameCube, XBox, PC - 2003)

When Prince of Persia first landed on the Apple II in 1989, it was a revolution. No one had ever seen anything like it. While a few geniuses like Eric Chahi (Another World) and Paul Cuisset (Flashback) were able to not only recapture that magic, but also expand upon it, Prince of Persia itself wasn’t terribly adept at continuing its own success. After years of tiresome ports and an abysmal venture into 3D on PC and Dreamcast in 1999, many thought the Prince of Persia franchise was a dead horse.

RetroGrade Episode 1: A Question of Time - Part 1

Welcome to RetroGrade, a feature wherein we track a particular concept through the annals of gaming history, visiting one prominent example of the said concept per console generation from today all the way back to the 8-bit era (that’s five if Wikipedia is to be believed).

In short, this is an excuse for me to talk about games I want to talk about across multiple hardware generations using a gimmicky theme to loosely tie them all together. But I digress…